3/30/2018

I’m avoiding the big problem. The big P is that I’ve been told I know and understand nothing. That the whole human expanse of history and unconscious that coagulated in the Bible as the written word of God is RIGHT. That rules, order, and society exist for a reason, and you are a fool to attempt to reinvent or deny it. That you, the puny individual, can know and understand NOTHING. That I am a protected, spoiled little idiot. That life is terrible and tragic. That we must be heroes in spite of this, albeit good little heroes; obedient.

I’m just about 100% positive this is a total bullshit interpretation (misinterpretation) of Jordan Petersons message, but it’s how it came out. I’m rebelling against the challenges to my own conception of reality that his ideas present, and squirming a bit because of the two of us, he’s the clear adult in the room. I am no match for him intellectually, spiritually, perhaps even morally. I am no match for most people. I occasionally catch clever phrases and have entertaining thoughts (to myself), but I give none of them to the larger world, test none of them against humanity.

I cannot speak a clever thing and most often sound like an idiot to anyone an iota smarter than me, which is most people which is why I don’t have many friends. I keep myself in an environment that will not challenge my intelligence, and surround myself only with those people I can easily intellectually best. I have no one to account to for my logical flaws – I do not share them. I am created/have created a reality that may or may not exist alone in my little room (tomb), and only people that tolerate or share that reality are allowed in. I am the too good mother to myself. I AM living an overly protected life. I am living in a shell. I know and understand nothing.

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