Uhhhh…

I guess it’s more important that I just start.

I’ve been meaning to write this blog for over 3 years now. I’ve started 10 times, stopped as many. It’s hard to get started when you don’t know what you’re doing.

But that’s kind of my life, and kind of what I want to write about – the full time novice – it’s what we all are. Mastery is just a fools excuse not to try.

I woke up this morning feeling strange, as I sometimes do; the night’s fading mist of forgotten dreams leaving strange tastes and shadows in my thoughts. I felt doubt and fear clouding my mind, images of a foreign and unknown future looking back at me. It questions, it beckons. Scary to think about leaving your identity behind in the past, and doing it intentionally, fully aware. There is so much uncertainty when you know you will change.

But won’t we change anyways? Thinking otherwise just a trick played by the mind who doesn’t want to have to rewrite itself? I guess if we don’t change ourselves, the future will. And I guess I’d rather have a say in it.

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